EXTRAMARITAL SEX

The effect of an extramarital sexual relationship on the marriage is generally damaging, and usually one or all of the people involved is hurt; although in a few instances the ‘affairs’ may induce the married partners to communicate with each other, so that after the initial trauma the marriage is enhanced rather than diminished.

In most extramarital relationships the pride of the uninvolved partner is damaged and, if the marriage continues, a period of agonizing readjustment is needed.

In our society, the damage to a man’s pride seems greater if he finds his wife is having an extramarital relationship, because many men still perceive their wives as sex-objects, to be possessed by them exclusively.

Although most extramarital affairs are initially exciting because of the novelty, the ‘conquest’, and the opportunity to relate to another person in an intimate way, with time they often turn out to be less fulfilling and pleasurable. The tensions increase for both participants, as neither seems to be able to extricate him or herself without hurting the other.

This knowledge is unlikely to reduce the frequency of extramarital affairs; and their effect, as Rosenzweig has written, ‘must await more extensive knowledge as to the individual and social consequences, than is presently available’.